According to written survey conducted by the Family Court of Singapore, the top problem faced by divorcing couples is communication breakdown. It appears that men are more affected by this, as more of them have cited this as the reason for their failed marriages.
Contrasting with some more dramatic reasons for divorce, such as adultery or violence, communication may not pop out as the strongest reason for divorce despite statistics. But this is not an entirely surprising finding. Communication issues between individual are common daily problems. Apart from communicating wrongly, neglecting communication, i.e. not communicating enough is an often neglected cause that is killing love softly.
Social Media & Mobile Phones
With the advent of social media and mobile devices, quality conversations between couples are harder to come by. It is becoming common sight to see a person scrolling on his or her phone at dinner table instead of looking in the eyes of his or her partner and making a conversation. In fact, in Singapore, at least of a quarter of couples’ arguments are about issues of inattentiveness and too much time spent on computer and mobile devices. The lack of proper communication results to a sense of estrangement and separation between the couple, amongst other negative consequences, such as the lack of understanding and building up of resentment.
I don’t know how to communicate, really?
You do not need to be an expert in communication. After all, it is simply building human relationship which all of us are capable of in one way or another. Remember the days when the relationship first started, did you find a lack of communication? You were probably communicating so much so often in an eagerness to get to know everything about each other.
What has changed? You may think you know everything about your partner now that you have ran out of topics to talk about? But life is a continuous journey, people evolve, new things happen, so there are always new topics if you find them.
Or you may feel that you are out of passion, no longer burning with any curiosity nor the need to impress your partner? The lack of motivation, does not equate the lack of ability to communicate. In other words, it is not that you do not know how to communicate, but you do not want to even try.
I want to communicate, how?
Sometimes in our busy lives, we forget. It is not that we have given up, but we have taken our relationships and partners for granted.
If you know that you still want to communicate well with your partner, here are 3 simple mottos that you can follow easily to remind yourself of the why and how:
- Be Aware
Knowing that you are not communicating is the first step. Self-awareness allows you to find the problem so you can do something about it before it is too late. When you are playing with your phone while spending time with your partner, realizing that you are not treasuring the moment with your partner will make you consider putting down your phone. If your partner is doing that to you, be aware and do not encourage that. Let your partner know that you value your time together and maybe you could engage in something together or talk to each other instead.
- Be Sincere
There is no formula to making a good conversation. But what is key is being sincere and yourself. Do not attempt to copy a topic and style that is not you, because it is likely that you will not be able to hold the conversation very well. Care about the person, and when you are sincere, you will find many common interesting topics and viewpoints to share.
- Be Mindful
Being mindful is about constantly putting yourself in the other person’s position. Would you like to be neglected and sitting like an idiot while your partner texts away on the mobile non-stop? Also think about what your partner would like to do or talk about. It is not always about you.
Communication & Commitment
“Distance is not a big factor in a relationship, communication is. But most of all, commitment is the most important one.”
How to you commit? You work on it for the long haul. Keeping up communication is commitment. Do not let silence kill your love.
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