Maintaining connection with your partner in a long-term relationship is never easy. Arguing can be healthy as you are two human beings whose opinion may vary and feeling that you are understood is crucial for your couple to sustain and grow. However, it is important not to confound an argument with a fight, as the latter can become a threat to your couple.

In fact, there is a difference between “normal” arguments that can be resolved by the two parties, and conflicts where getting a third party involved could greatly benefit your couple.

We will see how to detect these red flags and choose a good relationship counsellor.

No, your relationship isn’t a failure; it’s okay to consult a trained professional

Debunking clichés

Taking the initiative to seek help outside of your circle might feel as a last resort, as if your couple was doomed. You might feel that you failed your relationship, that you are not good enough, smart enough or flexible enough to fix problems on your own.

All those are not true. Let’s put all these thoughts aside… because they only destroy our self-esteem and do not make things move forward.

There is an evident reason why we would more likely go for an individual therapy rather than one for couples: our partner can be the enemy who is counter-arguing what we say. Acknowledging that your couple needs help to resolve issues is already a good step forward and a proof that you care for this relationship and for your partner.

Role of relationship counselling

Relationship counselling aims to redefine rules within a couple so that the relationship can resume on a new basis. During the sessions, the professional will enable both partners to talk openly and resolve communication problems thanks to mediation.  

The good thing is that what you learn during the therapy can help you both not only to solve the current situation, but in the future as well. For a therapy to be successful, it is important to note that both of you must be willing to consult.

Now the question is, how do we detect when we should consult a counsellor?

Knowing when to seek counselling can help you fix the toxic patterns in your relationship.

When do you need to consult?

Identifying a distressed relationship

A relationship is qualified as distressed when it impacts your wellbeing negatively. Relationship distress occurs when you are facing a situation you cannot solve by yourself. For instance, your partner and yourself have contrasting values due to different cultural backgrounds; your views on the relationship grew separate over time; you experienced a hurtful loss; or you are unable to close an argument recurring over and over again.

If you relate to one of the above, it might be time to consider seeking help from a trained professional in order to get out of the vicious circle in which your relationship is trapped.

Detecting an unhealthy relationship

Sometimes, simply asking yourself “Are we happy in this relationship?” can help realise whether or not you are in an unhealthy relationship with your partner. Even if deep down inside you know the answer, getting the bigger picture can be complex. If you have experienced at any point of time one of the following, you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to get help:

  • Isolation
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Humiliation
  • Violation of Boundaries
  • Threat
  • Limited independence

Please take note that if you experience any physical abuse, seeking help from a relationship therapist is not the answer. There are organizations that can help you. Do not stay silent and take action.


Photo by Taylor Hernandez on Unsplash

Finding the best relationship counsellor

Get testimonials & trust your intuition

When it comes to such an intimate and important matter as our relationship, we do not wish to be followed by any relationship professional, we want the right one –the one who will be able to understand the best how your couple works.

Getting referrals from friends can be a solution, however there are also alternatives on the Internet that provide advice, help you browse and choose the right practitioner. You can find counsellors and other professionals here.

Don’t wait until it is too late

Very often, couples wait until the last chance to seek help… when it is almost too late. As we say, “the sooner, the better” is adequate to this matter. Do not wait until your relationship is destroyed and too harmed to heal. Take action and get help.


Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

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Like this article? You might also be interested in the other articles in this category of Love Psychology:

Killing Love Softly with Silence

Perfect Timing – When to Fall in and out of Love

Happily Ever-After – How to Keep Love and Stay Happy Together


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