The content of this Article is based on popularized theories and beliefs by John Gray, who sold over 15 million copies of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
When we say that we are on “different bandwaves”, it is true in the case between men and women, where men are said to behave like rubber bands while women’s behaviour are wave-like.
Men are like rubber bands
Apparently, a man loses himself when connecting with his partner by feeling her needs, problems, wants and emotions. Hence, men need to pull away after fulfilling their need for intimacy when they feel the need for autonomy. According to John Gray, a man automatically alternates between these two needs.
Not understanding this cycle, a man’s temporary withdrawal may be perceived by his woman as something gone wrong or that he is losing interest, leading to panic and doubt.
Women are like waves
It is a popular saying that “women are made of water”. One display of water-like property could be in a woman’s self-esteem which rises and falls like waves and tides. It is a natural cycle that may or may not be hormonal. At the peak of the wave, she is shining with love and fulfilment while at the trough, she is vulnerable and needs more love.
A man may misunderstand this to be unpredictable mood swings. Some may be tempted to fix it while others choose to ignore. In the first case, the man may be frustrated to find that his woman was not open to any solution offered. In the second case, being avoidant may evoke more resentment from her due to his apparent lack of concern and care. In either case, the man would end up feeling defeated from not being able to improve his woman’s situation, while the woman feel even more down from the apparent lack of support from her partner.
Understanding the cycles and needs of each other
This reminds me of our Bunny Joke, where the bunny offers his favourite carrot as a bait for fish. The moral of the lesson is to offer what the other needs and not what you need. Similarly, in our discussion of Mars v. Venus, understanding each other’s cycles and downtimes, and being supportive in the right ways which are appreciated by the other is key to successfully weathering over stormy times.
Don’t miss out on other content of this series: