The content of this Article is based on popularized theories and beliefs by John Gray, who sold over 15 million copies of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
When faced with challenges in life, men and women respond differently. Not knowing this general difference may be a reason for misunderstanding each other, adding to the frustration when things are already not going so well.
Men hide in Caves
“Caveman”, a word that conjures up image of ancient barbarian, or describes someone who is outdated by time, is actually applicable to most man-kind across time. According to John Gray, when faced with problems or feeling low, man generally goes away to sulk alone in his “cave”. He would prefer not to be disturbed, even by his concerned partner. Time and quiet space would help him recover. So it is wise to leave caveman to his man cave.
Women sink into Wells
It may be a stereotype that women are more emotional, but it is definitely more accurate to say that women express their emotions more. When feeling down, women sink down into their inner deep and seemingly bottomless well of emotions. It is obvious, that their moods reflect and affect people around them. They cannot hide it. It is as if the sky has suddenly turned grey and a storm is coming.
A man, on seeing his woman moody, might be tempted to offer solutions to help lift her up, saving “the damsel in distress”. However, logical solutions are not often appreciated by women at emotional lows. In fact, John Gray believes that there is a cyclical nature to women’s moods, and only through experiencing lows, there can be real joy when the mood takes the upswing. Emotional support and empathy are better appreciated when in the wells, assurances that it is perfectly okay to feel down at times. Sometimes, drowning in tears is the much needed emotional cleansing, allowing herself to be that she does not need to justify why she feels down.
Trust your self-healing
While there may be some variance on the caves and wells each person may have, the lesson learnt is to understand that your partner could have a different method of coping with stress and challenges, and try not to impose your own method on him or her. Trust that there is a self-healing mechanism in all of us, including one for our emotions, that we sometimes just need to allow ourselves to be.
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